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Először fel sem tűnt. A levegőben még ott voltak a lebegő dolgok. Léggyökerek, amik otthonomhoz kötöttek. A ház, amit eladtunk de kicsit bánjuk. A sok haver, nagy társaság, 50 ember egy házibuliban. (Mikor is töröltem őket a Névjegyzékből?) Az emberek, akiknek már régóta nem hiányzom. Nem kérdezik már, mikor megyek haza.
Haza, ahol mások fárasztanak le. Ahol egy mosolyra semmi okom rá a válasz, s ember embernek divatkritikusa, életmód-tanácsadója és jó barátja egyben. Ezeregyszáz év ugaron tenyésztett 1100 kifogása, 1100 nekem jár joga. Ahol giz-gaz panasz az égig nyúl, de senki nem sorköteles kertész.
Hazám, ahol a miért ne csak egy értelemmel rendelkezik, ahol egy esetből mindig és soha, két esetből agresszív kismalac, háromból apátia lesz. Idegesít, hogy a legtöbb blog arról ír, hogy mi idegesíti. Hogy mindenki előbb akarja megkapni a fizetséget s jogait és csak utólag elvégezni a munkát s kötelességet.
Tényleg mások miatt nem történik semmi, vagy csak önnön kitartásunk hiánya fáraszt le? Ahogy hallgatom magam az elmúlt egy évben, elfáradtam. Magamtól. A kifogásaimtól, a nekem ez jár csodavárással töltött időtől, a tettek hiányától. És egy kicsit talán tőled is, érted?
Itt az ideje valóban tenni és örömmel munkát végezni. Nem olyan amerikánus minden szép alapon. Nem oldalt választani, de elnyesegetni pár gyökeret.
Expat leszek, s fát nevelek.
photo credit: davebluedevil
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